http://www.boston.com/news/
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"Perron boys take a beating in the first outdoor friendly match of 2009"
ATLETICO PERR0N 1
DINAMO NEWEY 10 (1.30786) (robust Newey-West standard error in parenthesis)
Mighty Atletico Perron fell victim to MIT's team reportedly coached by Whitney Newey. Despite the strong first half, Perron boys found themselves completely bootstrapped in the second. This exhibition match revealed that a famed indoor team has ways to go in transitioning to proper 11 on 11 football.
Goals:
1 - 4(1.30786) Murat. Great finish by the ever-composed universal turkish man to beat the keeper topside after Tasso's equally spectacular miss.
Player performances
(*****) messi style. great. deserve to have a tatoo of perron on the arm
(****) rosina style. great, but no need for eternal prize
(***) arshavin style. great expectations, good performance overall, but could have done better
(**) huntelaar style. definitely below pi
(*) victor sanchez style (player of barça). WARNING: another like this and perron will punish you
(·) perron style: mate, perron could do a better job himself
(_) peter (c.b.) phillips style. If you do that, you better pack your bags and piss off to Yale before Perron finds out.
Andrew: ** Has been playing a solid game in the first half until some MIT asshole kicked him in the head. He kept on playing bravely and making good saves, for which he was rewarded by a close range shot that got him in the ear in the second half. These efforts by the MIT side managed to shake him up enough to give up a few goals he'd want to forget about. At the late stage in the game he was often left alone by the rest of Perron boys due to their overexcitement on attack and overall poor fitness delaying them coming back, which resulted in more goals allowed than he deserved.
Gabriele:*** The italian beast provided alot of movement and offense, and collided spectacularly with opposing players fighting for the ball. Displaying good control and vision, arguably one of the best Perron boys on the field. A crappy corner and counterproductive advisory of Guillem prevented him from having a Rosina game.
Theta:*** Fresh after the marathon, theta was not significantly negative enough to carry the team through the whole game. Great first half, but was visibly pressured by Gabriele's strategic instructions and cramps in his legs in the second. Provided some good corner kicks and passes for fellow players, but often did not find enough support to be as effective as usual.
Murat:**** Man of the match, saved Perron's reputation by finishing the closest chance of the game for Perronis. Displayed his usual defensive prowess, with smart distribution and occasional offensive forays.
Denis:** Delivered another controversial performance, despite Kremlin's best efforts to put him back on track with angry calls and threats of military tribunal. Not fit enough to put enough pressure on the opposing side with loop-running, and not effective enough in finishing corners and feeding offense. The output gap was evident.
Martino:** A brave effort by a man from Vidracco, stepping on the field for the first time this year. Tried his best in his role as a striker, but did not get fed enough from his teammates, and ended up missing a great opportunity, which robbed him of Arshavin rating.
Gabriel:** Another good striker effort thwarted by lack of passes from midfield. Had to go back to get the ball, and this hindered his effectiveness in attack. Nonetheles caused a few panicked outs from the MIT side.
Arup:*** Great uncompromising defense. Stoned many rivals cold, and stole many balls from enemy attacks. Got too much lactic built up towards the middle of the second half and lost the edge somewhat.
Chris (aka Martino's roommate):*** Agreed to assist Perron's team despite having played another game earlier this day. Provided solid defensive midfield, but often got outnumbered by rivals and recieved little support, which, combined with the fact that it was his first game with the team, prevented him from showing full potential.
Bruno:*** A good effort from a young star of Atletico Perron's farm club. Made a good debut, with lots of running and fighting for the ball. Like all Perron boys, however,got a bit tired and disillusioned towards the end.
Marco:** Another debut from the next cohort of Perronis, which went a bit less smoother. Slightly confused by the chaos around him and not playing his best game most of the time, needs to be less polite, get more confidence, and kick rivals in the legs more to get the ball.
Osea:*** Last but not least, the man provided solid last line of defense despite being out of practice for a long time. Crushed many rivals and stopped many attacks. Great physical and positional play. Did a good distribution job too.
As has become a tradition, yours truly tried to seek out Perron to hear about his insights on the game. The task was exacerbated by the late finishing time of the game, and the fact that Perron does not have a cellphone. Pulling some strings at the BU switchboard, your reporter finally got connected to Perron's landline at home, after which he reluctantly agreed to be interviewed in his house. The great coach was busy making banners for Boston marathon before the interview started. When asked for explanations for huge defeat, he commented:
"Gee-whizz, what did you expect?! The markov chain regime has changed, and the transition matrix of these boys still has alot of zeros in it. They need a simultaneous level shift in fitness and organization with 11 players. I am really disappointed, especially since the Amsterdam team bombed as well. I think the level shifts can be provided only by large shocks, like giving them alot of shit and making them write 2 second year papers. Given the space spanned by the department though, this is a measure zero event."
When asked about rival coach, Whitney Newey, Perron exploded:
"What do I think of him?! Oh shit! He edits Econometrica, which is a crime against the profession and a pain in my assholes since i have to write irrelevant 20-page appendices to please him. He also makes MIT accept only fit spaniards and turkish people to the PhD so that they can beat my boys. However, his ignorance about the importance of structural breaks will bring his team down."
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