Victory by inertia
Mates, our correspondent pierre ruhm shared his thoughts at
http://kazaknews/international/assholeuzbeks/sports/mighty-perron-boys-do-it-again.html
MIGHTY PERRON LADS DO IT AGAIN!
Breathtaking victory by the soldiers of perron, who in a public display of commitment, effort, screaming and willingness crushed CELOP chumps into a painful defeat 50 seconds to go in extra time with a sweet golden goal. FITREC officials are currently investigating the behaviour of some Perron soldiers at celebrating the goal, since CELOP fans claimed that some of them ran in their direction arms up, face full of blood and screaming unearthable sounds in weird languages. Due to the lack of official video reordings, officials are investigating evidence from the seismograph placed in the centre.
GOALS
0-1 Celop chump 14. Min 11. Quick counterattack finished by a great folla seca from some 15 yards away.
1-1 Dave. Min 16 Goal of the night. Pussy shot by g unit from mid distance that is deflected intentionally by the Canadian man with a slight heel flick. Just before half time, so perfect timing.
1-2 Min.25 similar counterattack with similar folla seca, chump 15 this time
2-2 Jordi. Min 30. Foul on g unit, who quickly serves a square ball to jordi, whose shot inevitably ends up hitting the nets (technically, walls). Not the greatest shot ever, but he managed to keep it low. Great celebration by the catalan dupla.
3-2 [extra time, 48 seconds to go] Despite the lack of blood in his brain and heartbeats in his chest, Theta somehow manages to steal a ball on his own half, get rid of two celop lads (tunel including!) and shoot close to the post.
Player performances
Andrew: *** the lad has seen better nights, but do not forget that we got our 10-0 unbeaten score mainly thanks to his awesome savings throughout the championship. Set good counterattacks and did some bits of extreme yellings to our men in the walls.
Andrea: ***** MVP. Classic Andrea, with lots of physical effort, good runs on the left side and good tackles. Un grande
Jordi: **** good performance by the mighty calatonian, with another goal to his record and very tiny bits of complaining. Good runs and better defending, would get 5 if his long passes had hit the target more often (and, when they did, had not been screwed up by the receivers)
Grattino: ***** Not many attacking contributions with some crap shots but excellent overall defending performance. Having crushed one rival onto the floor, he hinted at leaving the pitch for having received abuse from the rival despite not having seen even a yellow card- He finally stayed and managed to earn a yellow card only two minutes later for sliding twice (first sliding including a very nice goal that was disallowed)
Giulio: **** good unselfish game by the terrone boy. Missed some good chances at the end but created some more for his teammates throughout the game . Good pressure à la eto’o and nice moves without the ball.
G unit: *** Ok-ish performance by the catalan chump. Loads of crap shots from long and mid distance trying to emulate burino Gabriele . got better as the game went through and gained some extra energy right before extra time, which he used to crush celop hopes with a tasty goal à la iniesta. Nearly chocked to death by teammates in posterior celebration.
Murat: **** the man who never complains did yet again another performance of good defending and serious playing. Way less hesitant than in previous matches with the ball which improved the fluency of the passes.
Phuong:**** good moves, good pressure and good shots. Very good performance by the Vietnamese lad, always acting quicker than expected.
Tamon: **** good game by the after-match-runner. Set some good balls for perron fellows and pressured the opponents with his usual persistency.
Dave: *** + * Short yet critical appearances, scoring the goal of the match (of his life maybe)?
Tasso (n.c.) Short appearance by the vidracco boy who managed to annoy the celop defenders with some pressure-loop runs à la tkachenko. Got yelled at by Andrew so he got scared and lost some concentration ever after. Overall, *** :-)
SIR SEN: ***** + * excellent directing skills by the man from Islamabad, always encouraging and leading the perron boys to a big time victory with a fine mixture of tactics and attitude. The extra * goes for playing a critical psychological game, driving the captain of celop nuts by softy complaining about their eagerness to dive and protest rather than play decent soccer. He will therefore be awarded a tenure position in the mourinho school of soccer management.
Upon request, Perron agreed to answer one of our correspondent’s questions ‘’ I feel great feeling in my chest: assholes celop chumps were wasting time blatantly when they were one goal up, so I was even happier than ever when I saw our team scoring 48 seconds to go leaving the celop chumps in a harsh awful speechless state, of which they should not get out until the next season. They were lucky I was not there, cos I would have given them a load of shit for misbehaviour. IN punishment, they should take Hendrick’s class next fall, at 9am ‘’ .
‘’Regarding my young soldiers [he added] I am pleased to observe that their performance does not reject a unit root test: one victory after another after another after another…. I never found it so easy to find a unit root: I am therefore deeply obliged to them and encourage them to win their last and biggest challenge: the outdoors AA fall tournament. I am indeed looking forward to that’’
