BU legends: Atlético Perron

BAD AND GOOD NEWS

2009-09-25T08:46:00.000-07:00

BAD NEWS IS : Atlético Perron A good their asses kicked in the first game

GOOD NEWS IS : there is ONLY room for improvement

BAD NEWS IS : Newey Perron Test with 99% confidence interval forecasts a big-pain-in-anoos for Atlético Perron AA in the first game too.

GOOD NEWS IS : The Italian star DINO has agreed to join the AA team!!

AWESOME NEWS IS : T shirts arrived and we can use them for the remaining games. Thanks Murat, Marco and Gabriele once more.

Stay fit,

FORZA ATLÉTICO PERRON

Interview with the captains

2009-09-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

Hey lads! I found an interview withour beloved captains in http://www.nytimes.com/pages/sports/BUlegends/atleticoperron.html. In case the link does not work, here's a copy-paste.

Following Marco's great move on Perron, the spirits of the team seem to be up. Our reporter Pierre Ruhm has managed to interview captains Andrew Ellis ( member and GK of team AA) and Sir Tasso (member and striker wannabe of team A). Following an achievement of quarterfinals in Fall '08, semifinals in Spring '09 and Champions in Summer'09, the Perron boys feel unstoppable nowadays and this can be reflected in the interview. Here the words of wisdom:

Q. What are your expectations for the fall season about to start?

Andrew Ellis: I start every season with high expectations, especially one coming off of a championship. I think we should win at least 4 of our 6 regular season games and then make a deep run into the AA playoffs. Another undefeated season is not out of the question, but flukes happen and we could actually lose a game or two. Still, I want another T-shirt!

Martino Tasso: We are eager to add another star to our jersey. That's our goal, our commitment.

Q. What do you think are going to be the key elements for big success?
AE. Defense wins championships, and I think we have the best defense in the league.
MT. We will play a Dutch-style total football: the ability of each player to sacrifice in the game will be the key.

Q. In case of a potential friendly game Atlético perron A vs Atlético Perron AA, do you think a referee would be needed? argue
AE. All of our players are classy and I can’t imagine that a referee would be needed. Martino runs a tight ship and is a total class act, as are all of our players.
MT. I don't think so. The two teams are really one big group, no need for a referee.

4. Are you planning to attend the matches of the 'other' atlético perron?
AE. I will at least go to the first game. After that, it depends on my schedule, but I hope to watch our other team roll to a championship as well.
MT. Time permitting, yes. I am looking forward to attending their final for the title!

5. Who do you think is going to score the first goal for the perron boys ? and who do you think is going to get on your nerves?
AE. It’s too tough to tell. Everyone on the field (except for me) can score. I’ll cop out and guess it will be whoever touches the ball after the opening kick. As always, I expect the referees to be, well, not so good, and the person most vocal about that will probably be Gabriele. While I love our feisty Italian, he will probably make me the most paranoid about seeing our championship hopes derailed via low sportsmanship ratings.
MT. This is really a difficult question: any player can score. I suspect that I won't be that one, though...
Nobody gets on my nerves when I play :-)

Thanks for your cooperation, sirs. Our boss Mr. Perron wanted to add that you captains should recall in any case that the responsibilities of a captain do not lie beyond those of formal representation of the team. "Coach attributions shall not be taken away from sir Sen. He who may want to take decisions out of Arup's knowledge will be harshly crushed and punished" he added " and will have to find me a way to get a ticket to South Africa."

The Lord has spoken.

Real Report, in the CELOP webpage

2009-08-06T12:19:00.001-07:00

Found by Mighty Catalan Jordi

http://www.bu.edu/phpbin/news-cms/news/?dept=850&id=54011

in case it does not work,

CELOP Sporting News

08/06/2009

Whether you call it Table Tennis or Ping-Pong, show your skills today at 3:00 at the Fitness and Recareation Center, across the street from CELOP. Register in CELOP room 224 to enter the tournament. There will be prizes for the three top finishers.

In other CELOP sporting news, CELOP entered three soccer teams in the Boston University Summer Intramural League, and all three performed well enough to enter the playoff round and compete for the championship. Team CELOP I made it as far as the final championship game before losing a hard-fought battle, 3-2.

Beating the buzzer again... and IM champions!

2009-08-05T08:44:00.000-07:00

Victory by inertia

Mates, our correspondent pierre ruhm shared his thoughts at

http://kazaknews/international/assholeuzbeks/sports/mighty-perron-boys-do-it-again.html

MIGHTY PERRON LADS DO IT AGAIN!

Breathtaking victory by the soldiers of perron, who in a public display of commitment, effort, screaming and willingness crushed CELOP chumps into a painful defeat 50 seconds to go in extra time with a sweet golden goal. FITREC officials are currently investigating the behaviour of some Perron soldiers at celebrating the goal, since CELOP fans claimed that some of them ran in their direction arms up, face full of blood and screaming unearthable sounds in weird languages. Due to the lack of official video reordings, officials are investigating evidence from the seismograph placed in the centre.

GOALS

0-1 Celop chump 14. Min 11. Quick counterattack finished by a great folla seca from some 15 yards away.

1-1 Dave. Min 16 Goal of the night. Pussy shot by g unit from mid distance that is deflected intentionally by the Canadian man with a slight heel flick. Just before half time, so perfect timing.

1-2 Min.25 similar counterattack with similar folla seca, chump 15 this time

2-2 Jordi. Min 30. Foul on g unit, who quickly serves a square ball to jordi, whose shot inevitably ends up hitting the nets (technically, walls). Not the greatest shot ever, but he managed to keep it low. Great celebration by the catalan dupla.

3-2 [extra time, 48 seconds to go] Despite the lack of blood in his brain and heartbeats in his chest, Theta somehow manages to steal a ball on his own half, get rid of two celop lads (tunel including!) and shoot close to the post.

Player performances

Andrew: *** the lad has seen better nights, but do not forget that we got our 10-0 unbeaten score mainly thanks to his awesome savings throughout the championship. Set good counterattacks and did some bits of extreme yellings to our men in the walls.

Andrea: ***** MVP. Classic Andrea, with lots of physical effort, good runs on the left side and good tackles. Un grande

Jordi: **** good performance by the mighty calatonian, with another goal to his record and very tiny bits of complaining. Good runs and better defending, would get 5 if his long passes had hit the target more often (and, when they did, had not been screwed up by the receivers)

Grattino: ***** Not many attacking contributions with some crap shots but excellent overall defending performance. Having crushed one rival onto the floor, he hinted at leaving the pitch for having received abuse from the rival despite not having seen even a yellow card- He finally stayed and managed to earn a yellow card only two minutes later for sliding twice (first sliding including a very nice goal that was disallowed)

Giulio: **** good unselfish game by the terrone boy. Missed some good chances at the end but created some more for his teammates throughout the game . Good pressure à la eto’o and nice moves without the ball.

G unit: *** Ok-ish performance by the catalan chump. Loads of crap shots from long and mid distance trying to emulate burino Gabriele . got better as the game went through and gained some extra energy right before extra time, which he used to crush celop hopes with a tasty goal à la iniesta. Nearly chocked to death by teammates in posterior celebration.

Murat: **** the man who never complains did yet again another performance of good defending and serious playing. Way less hesitant than in previous matches with the ball which improved the fluency of the passes.

Phuong:**** good moves, good pressure and good shots. Very good performance by the Vietnamese lad, always acting quicker than expected.

Tamon: **** good game by the after-match-runner. Set some good balls for perron fellows and pressured the opponents with his usual persistency.

Dave: *** + * Short yet critical appearances, scoring the goal of the match (of his life maybe)?

Tasso (n.c.) Short appearance by the vidracco boy who managed to annoy the celop defenders with some pressure-loop runs à la tkachenko. Got yelled at by Andrew so he got scared and lost some concentration ever after. Overall, *** :-)

SIR SEN: ***** + * excellent directing skills by the man from Islamabad, always encouraging and leading the perron boys to a big time victory with a fine mixture of tactics and attitude. The extra * goes for playing a critical psychological game, driving the captain of celop nuts by softy complaining about their eagerness to dive and protest rather than play decent soccer. He will therefore be awarded a tenure position in the mourinho school of soccer management.

Upon request, Perron agreed to answer one of our correspondent’s questions ‘’ I feel great feeling in my chest: assholes celop chumps were wasting time blatantly when they were one goal up, so I was even happier than ever when I saw our team scoring 48 seconds to go leaving the celop chumps in a harsh awful speechless state, of which they should not get out until the next season. They were lucky I was not there, cos I would have given them a load of shit for misbehaviour. IN punishment, they should take Hendrick’s class next fall, at 9am ‘’ .

‘’Regarding my young soldiers [he added] I am pleased to observe that their performance does not reject a unit root test: one victory after another after another after another…. I never found it so easy to find a unit root: I am therefore deeply obliged to them and encourage them to win their last and biggest challenge: the outdoors AA fall tournament. I am indeed looking forward to that’’

Final Warm-up

2009-07-31T10:24:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
Scott came through with changing the time of the final. So I will see everyone there by 8:30 on Tuesday.
See you all!
Captain Ellis

ADDED BY G UNIT: NOTE that you are all expected to attend the beer session after the final to celebrate the victory / complain about the referees in the white horse in Allston (no lame excuses like I have a presentation tomorrow or my significant other is in hospital will be accepted)

Summer semifinals: GREAT SUCCESS, July 30th, 09

2009-07-30T19:14:00.001-07:00

[Reportings by Pierre Ruhm] Great victory of the Perron boys in the semifinal, making it to the final for the first time mainly thanks to smart coaching by the Paki lad and good keeping skills by our captain-wannabe Sir Ellis.

Final score: Perron boys 5 Rivals 2

GOALS

1-0 Giulio. good move by the perron mates, theta's shot is deflected by the keeper and giulio blasts it very close to the cross bar. Very nice!

2-1 G unit. Reminiscence of last week's goal. Again in a corner Giu provides a sweet pass that G unit does not miss, blasting it yet again into the nets.

3-1 Same again, with Pancho providing the quick pass now and G unit incrediblyy scoring with his left (!)

4-1 G unit . good move by the perrons boys, started up by Sir Canidio on the left, and ended with a sweet pass from Phuong to G unit on the far right, who, Giulio style, sends a fine rocket to the top corner

5 -2 Giulio. awesome move by gabriele à la zidane, who provides a great assist to giulio. giulio, ni corto ni perezoso, uses his toenails to shoot and score a precious goal.

Player performances
(*****) messi style. great. deserve to have a tatoo of perron on the arm
(****) rosina style. great, but no need for eternal prize
(***) arshavin style. great expectations, good performance overall, but could have done better
(**) huntelaar style. definitely below pi
(*) victor sanchez style (player of barça). WARNING: another like this and perron will punish you
(·) perron style: mate, perron could do a better job himself
(_) peter (c.b.) phillips style. If you do that, you better pack your bags and piss off to Yale before Perron finds out.

Andrew: ***** PHO KING AWESOME . some excellent saves in the second half, no ununderstandable screaming to his teammates, good decisions when he held the ball.

Phuong: **** the vietnamese lad provided the usual mixture of quick assists and nice driblings. did not score today but provided one

Pancho: **** or actually *** + *, the last one awarded for not pushing any rivals mercilessly with both his arms. concentrated. good job in midfield.

Gabriele: *** has seen better days. Too much sex the last week? good attacking moves but not too much defending (learning from giulio?)

Giulio: **** good game by the terrone boy. Not selfish with the ball, some nice moves, good at holding it.

G unit : **** He fucked up a couple of good assists by the lad from la madalena, aka giulio. Was more selfish than usual, shooting from everywhere possible, sometimes sending the ball anywhere possible too.

Andrea : **** great return from the boss. no mistakes, good decisions, no complications. grande!

jordi: *** excellent agressive first half, a bit softer second. gets an extra * , so it makes ****, for having played à la iniesta (i.e. injured, for the benefit of his teamates who where at a loss this afternoon thinking he was not going to play). (footnote: Pierre ruhm came across a member of the concorde after the game and that chump mentioned that he recalled a very good , skilled and aggressive short defender in atlético perron.... guess who he was referring to)

Martino: **** , this is *** + *, this latter for the most ridiculous yellow card ever awarded in the history of IM BU sports. Tried to make some pressure and ended up a bit dizzy after the effort.

Dave: *** good moves in his quick appearances

MURAT: *** the turkish lad as ever did a performance with no risks and no mistakes.

COACH (SIR SEN): ***** Excellent coaching by the paki lad, who managed to get everyone into the game, not let anyone get too tired on the field, and most importantly, rose some respect amongst the players who did not dare argue his decisions (which in any case were not as fucked up as one could have expected)

upon request, Perron himself argued that the latter had not come as a surprise at all, as his unit root predictor had warned him that Arup needed to be pissed off in the previous game in order to throw a tantrum and get some nerve for the semifinals . 'yeah..... [drinks water].. not a big surprise, he he .. [pushes up pants]... we always knew he had good coaching skills. now let me go back to work please [opens solitaire]... oh shit fuck, before i forget, let me tell you boys [puts both hands on belly] that the final is TUESDAY for sure, time not certain yet. Honour my name'

Atlético Perron 3 Celop 2, june 19th, 09

2009-07-30T19:13:00.001-07:00

Hi guys,

Our friend Pierre Ruhm, who has moved up to a job in Boston Herald since last week, has shared this article forthcoming in tomorrow's issue sports section:

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/regional/view.bg?articleid=perron_boys_emerge_on_top

If the link doesn't work, here's the text:

"Perron has depth. Thwarts Celop's hopes to win."

ATLETICO PERRON 3
CELOP 2

Atletico Perron shuffled lineup due to travels and injuries, which provided for a bit more disconnected gameplay and lots of turnovers, but still emerged victorious to end Celop's 2-game winning streak in a close game due to a fantastic goal by striker Giulio Girardi with less than 10 second left in the game.

Goals:

1-1 Phuong: A precise strike from a distance ties the game and opens Phuong's scoresheet for the team

2-1 Phuong: Reminiscent of a Schweinsteiger's double against Portugal in the last Euro, again a strike from a distance finds the corner of the net.

3-1 Giulio: Insane goal with under 10 seconds left in the game. Great strike.

Player performances
(*****) messi style. great. deserve to have a tatoo of perron on the arm
(****) rosina style. great, but no need for eternal prize
(***) arshavin style. great expectations, good performance overall, but could have done better
(**) huntelaar style. definitely below pi
(*) victor sanchez style (player of barça). WARNING: another like this and perron will punish you
(·) perron style: mate, perron could do a better job himself
(_) peter (c.b.) phillips style. If you do that, you better pack your bags and piss off to Yale before Perron finds out.

Murat***: Once again delivers good defense and offensive support. Unfortunate mistake leading to a goal robbed him of Rosina rating.

Fahri****: Great skill and vision all over the field. No scoring this time, but it doesn't mean the man didn't do the work. Lots of challenges won, running and good distribution.

Arup***: Back in the lineup thanks to timely softball cancellation (Shin, what was your excuse today?!!), delivered more of his gritty tackling, and also made dangerous forays into enemy's half.

Giulio***: Lots of gametime as a striker and a spectacular goal at the end that made the bench jump like crazy and Celop eat their shorts. Too much dribbling during the game led to some missed chances, however. Should produce more timely shots and passes in future games.

Thomas***: Provided decent defense again, but with lots of small mistakes in getting the ball and posterior distribution decisions. Needs to be more decisive and aggressive on the ball.

Dave*****: Messi style, despite playing in goal and allowing 2. Prevented about 5 certain goals from going in, correcting many defensive lapses and staying composed throughout the whole game.

Tamon*** : Back to star in his first summer game, he showed a steady performance, with an assist on a late game-winning goal. Good work in the back as well, but needs to streamline the passing process to make simpler, more effective plays.

Phuong ****: Scored twice, providing for absence of Shin. Moved the ball well, made runs and threatened the opposition with shots. Very good first-time performance. Needs to be more aggressive and pressure
the enemy when they have the ball.

Pancho***: Getting better as the season goes on, showed a bit more fitness and fight today than last time. Had some opportunities on attack, and worked hard on helping defense.

Jordi ****: The Catalan is back, and he showed rivals' attackers who's boss in his zone. Great defending all-round and good distribution upfield, with fierce fighting for the ball and telling the ref that he (the ref) didn't see shit. Grande!

Denis***: No captain's armband this time did the trick. More running, less mistakes, and even some crap shots on goal were much more in line with Vladimir's plan.

Next game is next Thursday at 7pm, keep this time free!

Denis

Atlético 6 Boston cream pies 2, june 12th, 09

2009-07-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

Our ever-vigilant friend Pierre Ruhm, forced to write for Metro by the recession, recently posted this article:
http://www.metro.us/us/article/2009/06/12/05/Perronetis.victorious.again/index.xml

In case their cheap website doesn't work, here're the contents:

"Boston Cream Pies creampied by Atletico Perron"

ATLETICO PERRON 6
BOSTON CREAM PIES 2

Atletico Perron started the summer indoor league with a statement, by feasting on the unsuspecting Boston cream pies. Didn't they know perronis eat this stuff all the time upstairs in the FDR???

Goalscorers:

1-0 Gabriele. Beautiful and forceful run straight through defence, and a powerful shot deflected straight into the corner off last defender's leg

2-0 Fahri Great finish by the "defensive" forward with a shot from an angle - no chance for the keeper.

3-0 Shin
4-0 Shin Accurate shooting after some spectacular tricks. No chance for the keeper again in both cases.

5-0 Pancho. Pino opens his indoor scoresheet hammering the ball into the corner together with the keeper.

6-1 Shin Shows the pies who's boss again in style.

Player performances
(*****) messi style. great. deserve to have a tatoo of perron on the arm
(****) rosina style. great, but no need for eternal prize
(***) arshavin style. great expectations, good performance overall, but could have done better
(**) huntelaar style. definitely below pi
(*) victor sanchez style (player of barça). WARNING: another like this and perron will punish you
(·) perron style: mate, perron could do a better job himself
(_) peter (c.b.) phillips style. If you do that, you better pack your bags and piss off to Yale before Perron finds out.

Gabriele****: Great back-and-forth coverage of the field with lots of physical play, helping in offense and defence, and forcing turnovers and mistakes by the rivals. Opened the scoring to establish the psychological advantage early in the game. Lots of not-so-crappy shots, and one more would-be goal which was saved by some creampie's arm late in the game.

Theta****: As usual, trying to enforce barca-style soccer with wide plays and great vision of the field. Instrumental in central midfield and in feeding the attack. Unselfish with the ball, hence no goals posted.

Murat***: Great in defence, stepping in for Andrea/Jordi, producing a usual solid performance with good decision-making under pressure and sound distribution. Late mistake in the game prevented him from having a Rosina game.

Fahri****: The only question to this guy is "Where the hell have you been during last semifinal?!". Played initially as defenceman, showed great libero skills in going the length of the pitch and scored a great goal to further pull away from opposition.

Arup***: First indoor match for this otherwise outdoor warrior of Perron was a good start. Played cool defence, and switched into attacking mode a good few times. Won many battles for the ball.

Giulio***: Another old-timer returning to the lineup for the first time since the outdoor season. Spent his time on the field well by showing off good distribution and dribbling skills. Lack of proper conditioning prevented him from having a Rosina game though.

Thomas***: Also a new face on the roster, did not dissappoint in providing uncompromising defence and some good passes up the field. Good things to be expected.

Dave****: Making a debut and filling the goaltending void for the team, provided solid saves on all shots that got through, including a 1-on-1. So much so that the defencemen sometimes decided that they are not needed with this guy in net and went on attack, which led to a couple of goals allowed. Good positioning, vision, and reading of play.

Pancho***: The chilean midfield finally scores, but needs to quit smoking, drinking, reading decision theory papers and get some fitness. Would do great things if he could run a bit longer.

Shin*****: Good things will happen when you give the ball to this guy in the vicinity of the net. A hat-trick in this game is a good illustration of why this is true. Ratio of goals to time spent on the field is an all-time high. And this guy wanted to defect to softball!!

Denis**: Played the first with the agility, anticipation and receiving skills of a human-sized matryoshka. Rebounded in the second somewhat with more lively running and ball-handling. Notable for wearing the ever-falling-off captains armband, colored as a Latvian flag for some reason (maybe this was the problem?), and confusing the opponents by making them switch the bench, and the field side at the beginning. Needs to go back to soldiers' of Putin bootcamp.

Coach Perron, who was busy discussing sparse models estimation with Victor Chernozhukov over a bottle of transparent liquid, refused to provide extended comments citing unavailable data to change his priors so far.

BU vs MIT , great defeat! April 20th, 09

2009-07-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

Our friend Pierre Ruhm shared this exclusive material with us:

http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/04/20/perron_MIT_clash

In case the link is not operational yet, here's the full text article:

"Perron boys take a beating in the first outdoor friendly match of 2009"

ATLETICO PERR0N 1

DINAMO NEWEY 10 (1.30786) (robust Newey-West standard error in parenthesis)

Mighty Atletico Perron fell victim to MIT's team reportedly coached by Whitney Newey. Despite the strong first half, Perron boys found themselves completely bootstrapped in the second. This exhibition match revealed that a famed indoor team has ways to go in transitioning to proper 11 on 11 football.

Goals:

1 - 4(1.30786) Murat. Great finish by the ever-composed universal turkish man to beat the keeper topside after Tasso's equally spectacular miss.

Player performances
(*****) messi style. great. deserve to have a tatoo of perron on the arm
(****) rosina style. great, but no need for eternal prize
(***) arshavin style. great expectations, good performance overall, but could have done better
(**) huntelaar style. definitely below pi
(*) victor sanchez style (player of barça). WARNING: another like this and perron will punish you
(·) perron style: mate, perron could do a better job himself
(_) peter (c.b.) phillips style. If you do that, you better pack your bags and piss off to Yale before Perron finds out.

Andrew: ** Has been playing a solid game in the first half until some MIT asshole kicked him in the head. He kept on playing bravely and making good saves, for which he was rewarded by a close range shot that got him in the ear in the second half. These efforts by the MIT side managed to shake him up enough to give up a few goals he'd want to forget about. At the late stage in the game he was often left alone by the rest of Perron boys due to their overexcitement on attack and overall poor fitness delaying them coming back, which resulted in more goals allowed than he deserved.

Gabriele:*** The italian beast provided alot of movement and offense, and collided spectacularly with opposing players fighting for the ball. Displaying good control and vision, arguably one of the best Perron boys on the field. A crappy corner and counterproductive advisory of Guillem prevented him from having a Rosina game.

Theta:*** Fresh after the marathon, theta was not significantly negative enough to carry the team through the whole game. Great first half, but was visibly pressured by Gabriele's strategic instructions and cramps in his legs in the second. Provided some good corner kicks and passes for fellow players, but often did not find enough support to be as effective as usual.

Murat:**** Man of the match, saved Perron's reputation by finishing the closest chance of the game for Perronis. Displayed his usual defensive prowess, with smart distribution and occasional offensive forays.

Denis:** Delivered another controversial performance, despite Kremlin's best efforts to put him back on track with angry calls and threats of military tribunal. Not fit enough to put enough pressure on the opposing side with loop-running, and not effective enough in finishing corners and feeding offense. The output gap was evident.

Martino:** A brave effort by a man from Vidracco, stepping on the field for the first time this year. Tried his best in his role as a striker, but did not get fed enough from his teammates, and ended up missing a great opportunity, which robbed him of Arshavin rating.

Gabriel:** Another good striker effort thwarted by lack of passes from midfield. Had to go back to get the ball, and this hindered his effectiveness in attack. Nonetheles caused a few panicked outs from the MIT side.

Arup:*** Great uncompromising defense. Stoned many rivals cold, and stole many balls from enemy attacks. Got too much lactic built up towards the middle of the second half and lost the edge somewhat.

Chris (aka Martino's roommate):*** Agreed to assist Perron's team despite having played another game earlier this day. Provided solid defensive midfield, but often got outnumbered by rivals and recieved little support, which, combined with the fact that it was his first game with the team, prevented him from showing full potential.

Bruno:*** A good effort from a young star of Atletico Perron's farm club. Made a good debut, with lots of running and fighting for the ball. Like all Perron boys, however,got a bit tired and disillusioned towards the end.

Marco:** Another debut from the next cohort of Perronis, which went a bit less smoother. Slightly confused by the chaos around him and not playing his best game most of the time, needs to be less polite, get more confidence, and kick rivals in the legs more to get the ball.

Osea:*** Last but not least, the man provided solid last line of defense despite being out of practice for a long time. Crushed many rivals and stopped many attacks. Great physical and positional play. Did a good distribution job too.

As has become a tradition, yours truly tried to seek out Perron to hear about his insights on the game. The task was exacerbated by the late finishing time of the game, and the fact that Perron does not have a cellphone. Pulling some strings at the BU switchboard, your reporter finally got connected to Perron's landline at home, after which he reluctantly agreed to be interviewed in his house. The great coach was busy making banners for Boston marathon before the interview started. When asked for explanations for huge defeat, he commented:
"Gee-whizz, what did you expect?! The markov chain regime has changed, and the transition matrix of these boys still has alot of zeros in it. They need a simultaneous level shift in fitness and organization with 11 players. I am really disappointed, especially since the Amsterdam team bombed as well. I think the level shifts can be provided only by large shocks, like giving them alot of shit and making them write 2 second year papers. Given the space spanned by the department though, this is a measure zero event."

When asked about rival coach, Whitney Newey, Perron exploded:
"What do I think of him?! Oh shit! He edits Econometrica, which is a crime against the profession and a pain in my assholes since i have to write irrelevant 20-page appendices to please him. He also makes MIT accept only fit spaniards and turkish people to the PhD so that they can beat my boys. However, his ignorance about the importance of structural breaks will bring his team down."

Perron boys 0 Brazil 1, March 27th, 09

2009-07-30T19:09:00.001-07:00

guys you can find Pierre Ruhm's comments at www.moscu_times/int/sports/

soldiers_of_putin_overseas/perron_army.html

in case it is censored in the us.and.a my sister from barcelona copy pasted me the thing

this is it

'Mighty atlético perron pays homage to football'

ATLÉTICO PERRON 0
BRAZIL 1

The axiom of continuity implied at half time was not differentiable enough for the perron boys to strike back after a great goal by some indian u-grad with glasses. Great team effort by the perron boys to no avail. After the game, cheerleaders panchita and martinica tried to raise the spirits in vain: pain in the asshoole was too big. good refereeing and good sportsmanship by the rivals did nothing but worsen the spirits of the perrons boys

goals:

the empty set

Player performances
(*****) messi style. great. deserve to have a tatoo of perron on the arm
(****) rosina style. great, but no need for eternal prize
(***) arshavin style. great expectations, good performance overall, but could have done better
(**) huntelaar style. definitely below pi
(*) victor sanchez style (player of barça). WARNING: another like this and perron will punish you
(·) perron style: mate, perron could do a better job himself
(_) peter (c.b.) phillips style. If you do that, you better pack your bags and piss off to Yale before Perron finds out.

Andrew: ***** excellent game. goal was unstoppable and saved every other shot. set perfect counterattacks any time he got the ball in hand and even as a coach he did well in calling a time out when ALL perron boys were losing sight due to lack of oxygen in their lungs and blood.

jordi: *** good game by the mighty catalonian. a couple of good runs and good tactical fouls. he created the best chances of the night. would get 5 stars but pierre ruhm was (ex post) threatened by some italian player in the team with not giving more than 2 stars per person (otherwise the journalist would be forced to have 5 coffees a day with him for a week, which clearly was deemed as suboptimal)

andrea:*** good performance by the man whose legs are always longer than they appear. crushed a few rivals on the floor and pushed upwards with self-esteem and category.

gabriele: ** crap shots were clearly missed by the perron boys. in an unselfish display of skill, he always sought to provide good balls for his teammates. some good runs too.

pancho: ***** as is becoming the tradition, he was involved in the most ridiculous call of the nite, provoking the referee even before the game had started and thus setting a terrible and negative atmosphere (similar to those in the ali sami yen) that the perron boys could not overcome.

theta: ** aka iron legs, not because of their strength but because if instead of legs this guy had played with crutches nobody could haveEVER told the difference. all the minutes he spent in the bench were used to critisize shin's lack of effort. however, due to some sort of asian fascination he decided to imitate shin in the last five minutes of the game. some good runs and counterattacks before that will save him from facing perron and being punished like an asshole hendrick in the skit

murat:**** once again he was the best man on the field. do to the extreme selfishness of ALL his teamates he only got to play some 10 minutes, but , yet again, he made no mistakes whatsoever. if only one tatoo is to be arranged, he is the man who deserves it. start thinking on which arm.

shin:** loads of non-running complemented with the creation of the best shots for the perron boys. not a bad game at all, simlpy unlucky at some stages. definitely , the best asian on the field

denis: ** putin's call after last game had a cumbersome effect on the performance of our man from russia. nonetheless, since the call was from russia with anxiety, not love, the man who never stops running felt somewhat pressured and did not display his usual skills (e.g. the loop-running). however, he provided the best opportunity of the night for a perron boy, but that was fucked up by the receiver, who was, who else, the unit root of the night.

martino:**** sir tasso aka the man in a blue shirt yet again showed a great degree of support and compliance that perron will never forget.

once again, our reporter pierre ruhm approached perron to update his comments on the match. after closing the never-ending solitaire game and hiding away a bottle of transparent liquid, perron agreed to be interviewed 'as long as it can be done while i do my fitness exercise of the day: walk around the deparment with a cigarette in hand'. our brave reporter agreed and got some interesting words from perron to be added in these reportings: 'i had the highest expectations on these boys, but now i see they are a bunch of losers. they only did marginally worse than the rivals, but my NG Perron test verifies that the amount of effort was fully crap and bullshit. morover, my unit root test on the physical capacity of the members of the perron team is rejected, meaning that there is no room for improvement and only one chance for winning the tournament before they get way too old: fall 2009. I am indeed looking forward to it'

Atlético Perron vs Whiny Pansies, March 25th, 09

2009-07-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Check out: http://www.bu.edu/today/2403perrongoestosemis

In case the ever unreliable BU today site is down, here's the copy:

"UNLIKELY COACH LEADS TEAM TO SEMIFINALS"

ATLETICO PERRON 3
WHINY PANSIES 1

Tensions were high at the BU FitRec indoor arena as the tournament
entered the quarterfinal stage. Despite the best efforts of rivals to
fall and dive all over the place, and subprime refereeing, perron boys once again emerged victorious. BU Today's Pierre Ruhm (COM'10) recounts his impressions of the game.

Goals:
1-0: Theta. Seemingly got confused whether to say "odd", "even" or speak italian while taking a free kick, so just decided to score with a direct kick instead somehow putting the ball through 5 defenders and a not so bad keeper. Very nice!!!

2-0: Shin. He struck again not long after coming on from the bench.

3-0: Shin. Thoughtfully exploiting the absence of offside, and eventually getting a wonderful long feed, he punished the rivals in style for having too many men forward. The keeper had no chance.

Player performances
(*****) messi style. great. deserve to have a tatoo of perron on the arm
(****) rosina style. great, but no need for eternal prize
(***) arshavin style. great expectations, good performance overall, but could have done better
(**) huntelaar style. definitely below pi
(*) victor sanchez style (player of barça). WARNING: another like this and perron will punish you
(·) perron style: mate, perron could do a better job himself
(_) peter (c.b.) phillips style. If you do that, you better pack your bags and piss off to Yale before Perron finds out.

andrew: **** Finally got shot at and had a nice workout with long distance shots. Held his ground through a few hairy situations inside the box. Barely let his second shutout bid slip away though.

jordi: **** definitely getting better with each game. despite the provocative nature of the game, kept his cool well and only got 1 yellow instead of kicking everyone's ass (including the refs) as they deserved. Read rivals' movements like a comicbook and was instrumental in feeding the offense.

andrea: ***** the only question for this guy should be "which arm would you prefer the tattoo of Perron on?" Hardly off the field (in fact never), keeping rivals' offense far from the goal and fueling perronis' offense in a spectacular display of power and stamina. Nice comments to the ref too!

unit: **** finally getting his theta to be more negative, good movement throughout midfield and some good shots, one of which hit the target. never out of position, and always on the field. Wearing a red shirt under a yellow bib prevented him from having a Messy game tough.

gabriele: **** more crap shots from mid distance, but some of them actually on goal this time around. Confused one of the rivals with Guillem a few times, but overcame this obstacle through bayesian learning. Lots of good runs, great ball control, and sheer determination on attack which almost resulted in a goal. BU community hopes his leg that the rivals like to kick so much survives till the final.

pancho:*** Better effort this time around, good ball possession and tackling. Stirred up things regularly in the opposite box. Needs to get more fit though. Also, involved in the most ridiculous call of the match when given a foul for being tripped by the other guy.

denis: *** despite continued running and attempts to put pressure on the other team, did not produce much in terms of coherent offense. A few inaccurate passes caught attention of Putin, who made an angry phonecall later. While the overall level of play was better than humour in Kazakhstan, still needs to improve next time. Also was trying to confuse Gabriele by wearing a red shirt.

shin:**** first ball he touched was almost a goal again. However, pissed off at that, provided two more goals for the team and puzzled the opposing team with his dribbling skills on many occasions. Could easily bury a couple more, but got a bit unlucky. As of the 1/8 final game, cannot get a Messy rating unless scores on the first touch though.

murat: ***** hacan sucur would be smiling if he saw it. Another great game with quality defense and nice counterattacks. Should start thinking about the tattoo spot too.

In the aftermath of the game, BU Today sought out the elusive and enigmatic president of the team, Pierre Perron, in his office for comments. Closing a solitaire game in progress, he commented: "I don't have much to comment on. It was all forecast by the model with level shifts anyway. My only comment is regarding the match officials. If they continue to provide such mickey-mouse refereeing, i will have no choice but to pick up the phone and give PERD shit for this. I will give them even more shit than the Registrar when he puts my time-series exams at 9am."

Perron Boys - Piranhas, Feb 24th, 2009

2009-07-30T18:31:00.000-07:00

guys, look what i found online: http://www.nytimes.com/pages/sports/college_leagues/mass/BU/intramural/soccer/022309piranhas_perron.html

in case it does not work when you click, i copy-pasted the article:

PIRANHAS 3 ATLÉTICO PERRON 3
Piranhas win at pk's 3-2
by Pierre Ruhm, BU correspondent

Huge disappointment following tonight's performance in the BU indoors arena, in which the perron boys, despite having a 2-0 lead after 10 minutes, manage to secure a defeat in the p.k's, in which, despite the goalie's brave efforts, the field players messed it up by missing 66% of them.

Goals
1-0 TKACHENKO. great run by the soldier of putin, chasing the ball likea kazak chases an asshole uzbek, stealing it from two rivals and scoring without opposition.

2-0 THETA. excellent ball from tamon, guillem half-shoots the air with the wrong foot but still manages to get it into the nets thanks to a lame performance by the keeper

3-2 THETA . gol fantasma (phantom goal) that was obviously protested by the rivals and more obviously celebrated by the perron chaps. it will remain as one of the greatest 3 mysteries of BU history

Personal performances

(*****) messi style. great. deserve to have a tatoo of perron in the arm
(****) rosina style. great, but no need for eternal prize
(***) arshavin style. great expectations, good performance overall, but could have done better
(**) huntelaar style. definitely below pi
(*) victor sanchez style (player of barça). WARNING: another like this and perron will punish you
(·) perron style: mate, perron could do a better job himself

ANDREW : *** very brave in many occasions. good performance overall. could not do more in the goals, and stopped a couple of pk's

GABRIELE : **** man of the match. running, fighting, complaining not too much, although too much lactic acid in his blood at the end prevented him from having a messi game.

ANDREA: *** the lad has seen better games but on the whole he did a good job, without complicating his (and his teammates) life

TAMON: *** best game ever (which does not mean great game) playing the ball, moving, controlling ,.... nice evolution

SHIN: *** could not play not too many minutes and therefore could not show his best skill. A couple of awesome driblings though

ANTONIO: ** even if he played world wide class fooball, the guy supports ESPAÑOL. does not deserve more than two stars

JORDI- GUILLEM : * the catalan dupla was the disappointment of the night. gabriele alone ran more than the two of them altogether. slow, losing many balls and 'playing with the eyes'. no excuses. if they don't improve, they will have to face perron the boss himself

BYOUNGHO :***** no mistakes, never lost the ball, never lost position. great support from the stands

PANCHO: *** better performance than last week, but his left foot can still show better skills

MURAT- FAHRI: the turkish dupla was heavily missed. please come back, soon

DENIS: **** as ever, loads of running, fighting and effort. nice goal and good moves, and very generous with the ball. great success!

NEXT GAME, march 2nd, 7pm. FORZA ATLéTICO PERRON!

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